when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
