oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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