I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
