in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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