How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
