how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize