absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
