Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
