I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
