that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
