I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I love you.
Bad choice
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