She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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