dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
