tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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