Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
