He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
pray to the hookup gods
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
