also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would fuck him just for his dog
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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