R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize