Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My feet surprised me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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