i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
