Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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