Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
