Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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