its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
