I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
