I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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