dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
