He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
