I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
