She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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