Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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