Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
