Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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