Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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