I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
