Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
