whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
