Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
