HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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