It's like God shit irony all over that family
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
