even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
