i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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