she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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