and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize