my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
