Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I intend to get homeless drunk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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