Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
