i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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