does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize