My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
