im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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