We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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