I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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