she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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