He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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