I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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