I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize