Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
