just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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