I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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