Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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