Only a mothe r could love this liver
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
