the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
