I just saw a hot homeless man
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
