This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize