there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
