if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
