Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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