nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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