The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize